Resisting praise

We all love a bit of praise, but we are not always very good at accepting it. In fact, praise can make us feel surprisingly uncomfortable. Instead of embracing compliments with gratitude, we often deflect, dismiss, or downplay them. This resistance to praise can seem puzzling, especially considering that praise makes us feel appreciated, valued, and connected to others. Even Albert Einstein, surely someone worthy of praise, remarked that, “The only way to escape the corrupting effect of praise is to go on working.” Why does praise sometimes feel uncomfortable (or even threatening)? Why do so many of us resist it? And how can we learn to accept it more gracefully?

Resistance to praise is common and has psychological, social, and cultural roots. Research suggests that this struggle may be particularly pronounced among women, who are often socialised to be modest and to focus outwardly on others rather than drawing attention to their own achievements [1][2]. Self-esteem, fear of judgement, cultural expectations, and cognitive biases can all influence how we respond to positive feedback. By understanding why we resist praise, we may be better able to develop healthier self-perceptions and more rewarding social interactions.

What is Going On?

Our discomfort may stem from insecurities, self-doubt, or feelings associated with impostor syndrome. Psychologists have suggested that discomfort can arise through cognitive dissonance, the psychological tension experienced when external feedback conflicts with existing beliefs about oneself [3][4]. When a compliment does not align with our self-image, accepting it can feel surprisingly difficult.

Social and cultural norms also play an important role in shaping how we respond. In many cultures, humility is considered a virtue. People are often taught not to boast or draw attention to their achievements, leading them to minimise positive feedback or attribute success to external factors [5]. So accepting praise feels uncomfortably close to self-promotion.

For example, when someone compliments a piece of work, the instinctive response may be, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “I just got lucky.” Although intended to signal modesty, such responses can unintentionally diminish the acknowledgement being offered. Not surprisingly, cross-cultural research suggests that individuals from more collectivist cultures, where social harmony and modesty are highly valued, may be more likely to downplay praise than those from more individualistic cultures [5][6].

Gender norms also influence how praise is received. Women are often expected to balance competence with warmth and can experience social penalties when perceived as self-promoting [7]. Research has shown that women are likely to attribute success to external factors and to minimise their accomplishments in certain social contexts [7][8].

Many also worry that accepting praise invites scrutiny. Thoughts such as, “What if they do not really mean it?” or “What if I make a mistake later and disappoint them?” are common [9]. Researchers have identified a construct termed fear of positive evaluation, in which positive attention itself becomes a source of anxiety [10]. Some worry that accepting compliments will make them appear arrogant or self-centred, so they distance themselves from praise to protect their social image [11].

Social comparison can further intensify praise resistance. According to social comparison theory, people naturally evaluate themselves against others [12]. When someone perceives others as more talented, deserving, or accomplished, accepting praise feels undeserved or even uncomfortable [13].

A persistent belief that we’re not as competent as others perceive them, often referred to as the impostor syndrome, can also play a major role. Individuals experiencing these feelings often attribute achievements to luck, timing, or assistance from others rather than their own abilities [14][15]. Praise feels undeserved and can intensify feelings of being a fraud.

Low self-esteem can create a similar challenge. If praise conflicts with an individual’s internal self-image, it generates psychological discomfort [16]. People with negative self-views often discount positive information while readily accepting criticism, creating a self-reinforcing cycle [17]. Thoughts such as, “If they really knew me, they would not say that,” reflect this conflict between external feedback and internal beliefs.

Past experiences also shape our responses to praise. Those who have experienced insincere, manipulative, or conditional praise can become sceptical of compliments generally. Over time, we develop a habit of questioning the authenticity of positive feedback, even when it is sincere.

Cognitive Biases

Several cognitive biases can contribute to praise resistance.

Possibly the most powerful, negativity bias, is the tendency to give greater weight to negative experiences and information than to positive ones [18][19]. Negative comments will linger in our memories longer than compliments, making it difficult to internalise positive feedback.

Another factor is attributional style. While self-serving bias typically involves attributing successes to internal causes and failures to external ones, some individuals consistently do the opposite. They attribute achievements to luck or circumstance while taking personal responsibility for setbacks [20]. This pattern can make praise feel unwarranted because success is not fully integrated into our self-concept.

Confirmation bias can also play a role. People tend to seek, notice, and remember information that confirms their existing beliefs [21]. Someone who believes they are inadequate or unworthy will unconsciously dismiss praise while paying disproportionate attention to criticism. Positive feedback gets filtered out because it conflicts with established assumptions about the self.

Why Accepting Praise Matters

Resisting praise does more than diminish a moment of acknowledgement. It can also limit opportunities for connection and personal growth. Accepting praise gracefully is an act of self-respect. It acknowledges the effort, skill, or character being recognised without requiring arrogance or self-importance.

Research suggests that positive feedback can strengthen self-esteem, reinforce competence, and contribute to a more balanced self-concept when it is perceived as authentic and deserved [17][22]. Accepting praise can therefore support confidence while also encouraging continued growth and achievement.

Importantly, accepting compliments is not simply about feeling good. It is also about relationships. Compliments function as positive social exchanges that communicate appreciation, recognition, and value [23]. When we immediately dismiss a compliment, we may inadvertently reject not only the praise itself but also the goodwill behind it.

Research on positive interpersonal processes has demonstrated that sharing and responding constructively to positive experiences strengthens relationships and enhances wellbeing [23]. Positive emotions, gratitude, and supportive social interactions are consistently associated with better psychological health, greater resilience, and stronger interpersonal bonds [24][25][26][27]. Don’t belittle the opinion of the person who takes time to compliment you – give it the respect they deserve (or else they may not do it next time you deserve it).

Accepting praise may also contribute to greater self-concept clarity. When positive feedback is repeatedly acknowledged rather than dismissed, individuals have more opportunities to integrate evidence of their strengths into their understanding of themselves. Over time, this can help counteract habitual self-doubt and foster a more realistic and compassionate self-view.

Of course, not all praise is equally beneficial. Research suggests that praise is most effective when it is sincere, specific, and focused on effort, growth, or meaningful accomplishment rather than indiscriminate approval [28]. Authentic praise strengthens trust; exaggerated or manipulative praise can undermine it – remember that the next time you praise someone’s efforts.

Learning to Accept Praise

Developing the ability to accept praise requires self-awareness and practice. It also requires challenging the belief that accepting praise is equivalent to arrogance.

Acknowledging your strengths does not diminish humility. Humility involves maintaining an accurate view of yourself, including your strengths and limitations. Accepting a compliment simply means recognising something positive that another person has observed.

One useful perspective is to think of praise as a gift. If someone offered you a thoughtful present, you would not normally reject it or insist that it had no value. Compliments can be viewed in much the same way. They are gifts intended to be received.

If you know that you struggle with accepting praise, consider the following approaches:

• View the compliment as a gift and respond positively.
• Accept it with a simple and sincere “Thank you.”
• Avoid immediately deflecting the praise or minimising your contribution.
• Acknowledge where others contributed without diminishing your own role.
• Pause and reflect on what the compliment reveals about your strengths or qualities.
• Question the accuracy of any automatic thoughts that arise.
• Allow yourself to consider that the other person may simply be impressed.

Mindfulness and self-reflection can be particularly helpful in identifying internal barriers to accepting positive feedback [29]. Rather than automatically rejecting a compliment, pause and observe your reaction. Ask yourself, “What does this feedback tell me about my strengths?” or “Why does accepting this feel uncomfortable?” Such reflection can gradually help transform praise from a source of discomfort into an opportunity for growth.

Final Thoughts

Resistance to praise is a complex phenomenon influenced by psychological, social, cultural, and cognitive factors. It deflects joy from your life. Understanding why we resist compliments can help us respond to them in healthier and more constructive ways.

Accepting praise is not an act of arrogance. It is an acknowledgement of effort, skill, character, and contribution. It is also a way of honouring the person who offered the compliment. When we receive praise with gratitude rather than resistance, we strengthen both our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with others.

The next time someone recognises your worth, try simply saying, “Thank you.” You may discover that accepting praise is not about becoming more self-important. It is about becoming more willing to recognise the good that others already see in you.

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