Love or passion?

It is the time of school retrospectives once again, they seem to come around so quickly. For me, it involves attending my 16-year-old’s ‘Record of Achievement Day’ (moving from one stage of learning to another) and my youngest’s ‘Sport’s Achievement Evening’. This year the school arranged for two past Olympians to come and speak to the students. We heard how each had overcome adversity to achieve the pinnacle of their sports. Research in sport psychology consistently highlights the importance of perseverance and long-term commitment, often conceptualised as “grit”, in predicting high achievement in demanding domains [1]. In my younger years I was an athlete and I have to admit to deep respect for their commitment, passion and success. Deliberate practice sustained over years, rather than talent alone, has repeatedly been shown to underpin elite performance [2].

Running my own company for 18 years, I have had my fair share of adversity. On darker days I have had to rely on my motivation and commitment to keep me going. Longitudinal research suggests that resilience, the capacity to adapt positively to adversity, is a key predictor of sustained professional functioning and wellbeing [3]. My experience has helped me to dig deep. However, as teachers described the achievements of the many children and the importance of “passion” in their academic and sporting careers, I wondered whether too much emphasis was being placed on achieving “first place.” Achievement goal theory distinguishes between mastery goals (focused on learning and improvement) and performance goals (focused on outperforming others), with evidence suggesting that mastery orientations are associated with healthier motivation and long-term persistence [4]. What happens to the children who are always going to come second, irrespective of the application of infinite passion and dedication? And what happens once you have achieved first place? Hedonic adaptation research suggests that the emotional high associated with success is typically transient, with individuals returning relatively quickly to baseline levels of affect [5].

One speaker was still talking of his victories in the 1990s. Do we put too much emphasis on passion and winning? Contemporary psychological research distinguishes between harmonious passion, an autonomous internalisation of activity, and obsessive passion, which can be associated with rumination, burnout and diminished wellbeing [6]. Many young people today appear to struggle with differentiating intense attraction from enduring attachment. Attachment theory reminds us that stable bonds are characterised by security, trust and mutual responsiveness rather than emotional intensity alone [7]. Passion can produce powerful short-term emotional arousal; neurobiological studies suggest that dopaminergic reward pathways are activated during states of goal pursuit and achievement [8]. Yet the dopamine-driven “wanting” system is distinct from the longer-term affiliative systems associated with oxytocin and attachment, which underpin durable relational bonds [9].

Love, in contrast to transient passion, aligns more closely with enduring commitment, shared values and prosocial orientation. Self-determination theory proposes that wellbeing arises when activities satisfy basic psychological needs for autonomy, competence and relatedness [10]. In the workplace, cultures characterised by psychological safety, trust and prosocial norms are associated with greater engagement and performance [11]. These qualities, respect, honesty, kindness, problem-solving and communication, are not prerequisites for desire, but they are foundational for sustainable collaboration. Positive psychology research consistently demonstrates that meaning and positive relationships contribute more strongly to long-term wellbeing than external markers of success alone [12]. When stripped of the language of money and accolades, what most parents ultimately desire for their children is sustained wellbeing, not episodic triumph.

I have not overcome my professional challenges because of a single-minded obsession with winning. Rather, I have persevered because of a love of craft, the intrinsic satisfaction derived from creating, solving, building and refining. Research on intrinsic motivation suggests that engagement driven by inherent interest is associated with greater creativity, persistence and psychological health than motivation driven purely by extrinsic reward [13]. Over a career spanning more than 30 years, the consistent thread has been the joy of mastery, the feedback loop of improvement, and the relational rewards of client and team collaboration. The concept of “flow” a state of deep absorption in optimally challenging activity, captures this experience well [14]. Flow states are associated with heightened productivity, learning and subjective wellbeing.

So what advice should I give my sons? Search diligently for activities you genuinely enjoy; cultivate a relationship with your craft grounded in honesty, kindness and respect; embrace deliberate practice; and share what you learn generously. Teaching and mentoring others not only consolidates mastery but enhances meaning and life satisfaction [15]. I cannot promise a life without adversity, but I can promise that a life organised around intrinsic motivation, supportive relationships and purposeful contribution is more likely to yield durable fulfilment than the fleeting ecstasy of first place.

Working on Your Passion as Privilege, Not Work

There is, however, a subtle but important distinction between pursuing passion as a competitive imperative and experiencing one’s work as a privilege. When individuals align their professional lives with deeply held interests and values, work ceases to be merely transactional and becomes an arena for self-expression and contribution. Research on calling and vocational identity suggests that perceiving one’s work as meaningful is associated with higher life satisfaction, resilience and engagement [16]. Importantly, those who experience their work as a calling often report that effort feels purposeful rather than burdensome, even when objectively demanding [17].

Neuroscientific evidence indicates that intrinsically motivated activity activates reward circuitry in ways similar to externally rewarded behaviour, but with greater persistence and reduced stress reactivity [13]. When work aligns with identity and values, the cognitive load of “effort” is reframed as investment. This reframing alters stress appraisal: challenges are more likely to be interpreted as opportunities for growth rather than threats [18]. Over time, such appraisal patterns are associated with improved psychological and even physiological outcomes.

To work on one’s passion is therefore not indulgence but stewardship, the responsible cultivation of one’s abilities in service of something meaningful. It is a privilege because it integrates autonomy (choosing one’s path), competence (developing mastery), and relatedness (contributing to others), the three pillars of self-determination theory [10]. When these conditions are met, work becomes less about extracting reward and more about expressing identity. In that sense, the greatest professional achievement may not be victory over others, but the sustained opportunity to practise one’s craft with integrity, curiosity and generosity.

References

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